On The Road Again

Last year LIGHTS was a growing pop sensation and I witnessed her rising stardom! I traveled to Orlando to see her live with my friend Jack. This time around we are planning to see her at least twice while she's in Florida.

Hope to see some of you there!

It's GOOD to stay positive!

http://www.good.is/

I recently found this after posting the scab blog (which I would like to thank my dad and commenters for helping me look at a different side of the coin). It's GOOD to know that there a websites, people, family, and press that really care about things around them. Check this site out! It's fun, quirky, adventurous, and original!

The Stolen Journals

So at the end of my junior year I stole a bunch of journals from my journalism class. Originally our old teacher had bought them for us to write in but they only ended up being written 3 times because she left for medical reasons. Anyways, I digress...

I returned the journals to as many people as I possibly could but I still ended up with at least 20 of them. I put most of them away for keeping (I'm a writer, el duh!). The rest I took the time to look through. I KNOW! Invasion of privacy! But in all honesty...I really found out a lot of things about my classmates. Most of the girls just rambled on about how boring the class was or that they were excited for their very first prom, tryouts or friends. In one of them she just simply drew pink flowers. In another I saw a song or simple poem.

Since then I bring them to class to scribble in just adding onto the stories that they already created. Which leaves me to wonder, could it be that simple to translate your life into someone elses?

Let's see... if I was one of these girls... I'd probably be dissapointed how high school turned out because I was looking forward to so much. High school would have been this big dream that I wanted to see but now it's more like a deflated cloud. Sure I had some great times and my body really did change but I had no idea where I was going and I still feel soo alone.

For anothers... I would probably have said that I really changed. My face doesn't even look the same anymore! My hair has grown longer and I have grown quite beautiful by now. I don't think I have the confidence to really admit it to anyone else... so maybe it's not true.

WHO'S HEAD COUlD YOU TRANSLATE INTO?

The Monster's Den

I took this picture late last winter when I went out and shot my first vlog. It really intrigued me, and scared me just a little bit just sitting there like it had always been. Carried away, like I always am, my imagination suddenly spiraled into a story, but I think I'll save that for another time. What I wanted to compare in this picture and in my life is that I feel like there is this open door in my head that lets too many thoughts in, especially in my Ethics class.
Originally I took this class because I wanted to learn more about the world and where I stood on certain issues, although now it seems like I just go there to be mortified. The first day I went to the class I had an opinion but I think I let it carry me too far down teh river. After that I think everyone just thought I was nuts.
Ever since then it seems like I can't make my point clear enough for everyone to hear, and when I do it feels like then that I'm the only person that has that opinion. The only reason I keep talking is because I keep in mind that old say, "what you want to say more than likely someone wants to say also, but they just need someone to follow." Something like that.

The recent discussion was on Euthanasia, the practicing of killing oneself, but to narrow it down a bit more we were talkinga bout if we should let kids practice it if we allow ourselves to practice it. My point was that kids deserved to know about it and they should be allowed to have an opnion even if they don't fully understand death itself. Why? Well everyone was saying that kids hardly know what anything means when they are so very young, but they really really do. I feel like people underestimate the knowledge of a kid.
So I argued that kids should be taught about it if the subject did come up in their life. Saying that they don't understand death in the least bit sense is proposterous! If they didn't then how come we teach them about religion or angels? Or even demons!? The fact is that they do understand it just like they understand so many other things. The only thing that they don't understand is their opinion!

You see what I mean, I just have this open door that wants to let everyone express their opinion. My only wish is that I wasn't the only one who felt like a complete monster when I spoke. Because no one agrees with me. Gosh! What a complaintive person I am, lol. But that's where I stand.

DO YOU THINK IT'S RIGHT TO TEACH KIDS ABOUT EUTHANASIA? WHY OR WHY NOT?!

All Is Love

The First Scab

Shh! This is a secret...

Whatever happens here, is a secret. 

Why? Why is it a secret?

Because up until now you had no idea who you were. You had no idea who I was. And you had no idea who everyone around you was either. 

Isn't that a slap in the face? 

Okay, take it as a lie... but you know it's true. That no one is how they seem and that everything you see on a person is a badge, a scab, a fabrication stitched to the bones. It makes you shake doesn't it? If it doesn't, it should. 

So who's the first scab I want to pick at...? 

It's me...

Let's see... brown skin, curly hair, freckled hands... 

Geek lover, nose picker, stubborn, stuck...

Heartbroken, afraid, but happy on the smallest discoveries. I think we all are. 

My dad told me the other night that these are supposed to be the best years of my life... and I don't know how he could ever say something like that. The best years of my life is supposed to include a Great Recession, a heart that's broken, lost ambition, and no university life? I feel like living in this small town is killing me from the inside out. It's a hot and sticky massacre. You never see the seasons change. You never get past the people you met in high school. You never discover new things. Isn't that what college is about? 

Yoooou caught me! I'm complaining. Big Time! 

And I have a lot to be grateful for and in some ways I feel like these words will be WAY underrated. Because around here all everyone will ever say is, "You've got a lot to be grateful for kid!" and then you HAVE to agree. How can people say that? Maybe only incredibly optimistic people can. And I used to be one of those people. 

But when you have a ton of experiences stabbing you from every which side, and then you call your friends that are in New York or Georgia and meeting new people in dorms... you have a TON to think about. 

And maybe that's the problem. 

There is too much to think about. 

Picking apart the details and the virtues of others completely demolishes the story you have built up around yourself. 

Here was my life. 

Hem Hem! 

Confused but content with my morals. People told me that they admired me because I was just so innocent. I made good decisions because that's what is expected. Sure I've tried to break a few rules but for the wrong reasons. I never really saw why any needed to be broken in the first place. I didn't think about loving life or hating it. I was just content. It's easy. Life is easy. It was just simple. I read books of other stories that I didn't expect to live. If anything the only thing I did expect was to live bigger than this one day. 

And then that day just never came. 

After I got my heart broken I started hurting people in all the wrong ways. And I still feel like punching out the sucker that did it. It wasn't long after that though that I started discovering certain... and most unusual things about myself though. That for some reason there is something watching me. There is a certain... (JUST SHUT UP) power I have; and that alone pretty much makes me worried about the rest of my life. 

So there you have it! You know nothing about me still! 

But at the same time you know everything that is about to come. 

Maybe afterwards you can sew the pieces together, like how I am right now, but...

... just don't be afraid to finish the puzzle, like how I am to do right now. 

So here's the first scab. 

Motion

One by One they popped up on the shell of the warrior's soul, ice crystals that were growing inside of him. Cold and bewildered, he soon let them encase his entire being. He was too afraid to move les the ice overtook him completely. He could feel claws similar to Reaf's already munching into him by the second. Needles, pins, and swords struck him instantly it seemed all at once.
A proud lion roar shook the realm of ice but did nothing to crack it open. In the pit of the warrior's fear though grew anger. He wasn't alone in this but he couldn't count on the strength of his Saviour to save him all the time. Why can't he just grow up! He needs himself and only himself! You can't be yourself with people that are telling you to start being able to depend on yourself! You can't always run to someone when you feel like you can't save your own life. They tell you to just make the effort and then complain. Well why can't he complain now?!

Everyone is just selfish so I will be too! I hate it! I hate feeling like I have to be myself on my own..Anger has me strugglging against the ice. The limbs of my soul struggle and release the encasing tomb. I can do this on my own. I don't need him. I don't NEED HIM!

The ice explodes and the warrior's soul is released. He needn't his light-saber to protect him. Reaf strikes back with his icicle-claws while the warrior pushes off his feet and dashes for the creature's neck. The warrior trails his fingers over the frost laden face of Reaf, and steam pushes up from his insides. Red and orange colors paint the scene as the warrior continues to slay the beast... and in the end he does.
Smiling, the world recovers: the trees, the grass, the stars, the light... but one thing has remain frozen in time.

His lion.

The Uproar!

Sometimes in the middle of the night I hear something brushing up against my windows. Of course I only hear it when I'm awake, which makes me worried about what noises I don't hear when I'm asleep. When I was little we used to have the woods next door, but since they've been cut down I've calculated moths, bats, and pine needles out of the equation. Sometimes.... I wonder if somebody is watching me.

       His heartbeat punched right through his throat the moment the warrior saw Reaf in the clearing. Dark blue icicles hung by the tip of the creature's fingers, sliding them into the warrior's chest as he rode by on the back of a lion. His soul was instantly pinned against the ground while his lion was held off by Reaf's other arctic claw.
       Blue smoke blew out from the warrior's lips that filled the void between the monster and him. His light-saber had rolled back into the shadows of the forest the moment Reaf had pierced his soul. The only weapon he had now seemed to be himself.
        Crrrrruuuuuuuuunch!!!!
      Something hard had twisted inside the warrior, churning the most delicate parts of his being. He called out for the aid of his lion but the only reaction was the powder-like smoke.
        "Saviour!" cried Reaf. The warrior shook his head and tried calling out for help again but to no avail. The creature took another plunge into the warrior's soul and laughed so it's voice echoed back from the forest.
         The grass reeds shriveled into brown wisps of smoke while the sky darkened into a dark hazy purple. The vultures went about eating the stars while the trees began to pull down, tugging at the clouds. Reaf neared his prey with an open mouth full of bones and yellow fire.