Lemme see your HALO! HALO! HALO! HALO!

Come ON!
GET UP WHY DON'T YOU!

Rollerblade down that street baby! Make a difference in your world!
COME ON SHOUT IT OUT!
Make people feel better about being them for all they're worth!
Come on! YOUR'E worth it too!!

.......


You hear that silence?
It's the moment of change, change, change...
All those hateful walls are breaking down in front of you and it' ALL BECAUSE OF YOU!
It's your hand-touch. It's the way your fingers press into those bricks. It's the way you throw your heart into the plaster. It's every inch of your HALO! Let it shiiiiiiine baby!

HALO!

Have Heart!

I'm not going to lie, heartache feels wonderful.

When I didn't know what it felt like I used to watch as many tv shows and listen to as many songs as I could, that had to do with heartache. I crave-d it. I needed it. It's something I could Live off of for the rest of my Life.

So when I'm without it, I ask: 

Where are the tears? Where is the need for revenge? Where is conflict between hearts? Where is the scene where we throw our bodies to the wrong people? Where is the bittersweet darkness?






It's in the real world



Whenever I feel uninspired to write or to create I turn back on my memories. The people that hurt me I forgive on the outside, but I keep the anger in the skin of my heart. I need it to say that I can do better in life. I need it to inspire me. I need it to push me past the boundaries.



I try to remember the talks we had on my driveway. I rub my arms thinking about you-- the person that liberated me from the expectations of life. I'm satisfied when I hear you do hard drugs, because I don't. I bite my knuckles when I remember the way you VbitV me on the neck the other night. I sweat and stomp my feet hoping I cause an earthquake in the country you're in.

SCRATCH YOURSELF!
LOVE YOURSELF!

I just can't get enough!

I love the betrayal when I have no expectations. I relish the rampage I bring to others sometimes. Knowing that I have some control of feelings on others. Not that I mean to.

It's what makes me not want to have friends, and to find the really insane ones at the same time.

Ears are burning.
Breath is panting.
Fin-g-e-r-s type-ing

Throw your head against the wall!

That's what I do when I think of the monster in my heart.

-Benji

Somewhere Only We Know

So I've been looking for this song for YEARS and in this moment I'm reminded something...
that at the end of the day everything is just a memory. That moment I had in the shower in the morning, thinking that the day will be over in a minute... it's so simple and beautifully horrific.
Not sure if my classmates are even reading this...
but I adore something about each and every one of you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JWjvpX33KUc

The Ice Pack

Recently, artist LIGHTS released an CD Remix package of her song ICE. When I first heard the song I thought it was really cheesy-awesome. I've been addicted to LIGHTS ever since February Air. It seems like pop artists come and go. Last year I loved Avril Lavigne because she was somebody that wouldn't let people stand in her way. I just disliked her sixteen year old attitude (and still do). Anyways, LIGHTS isn't like any pop star I have ever come across. By down to earth you don't think of ripped jeans, you think of real hobbies like playing World of Warcraft. By being a real person you don't think of vacations to africa to adopt a kid, you think of a girl that goes home to spend time with her family.

So here's my advice to any wannabe divas. The only people that care about you now are the ones that are as self centered as you. But the ones that are going to care about you later are the ones that you showed heart to.

Stay safe. Be honest.

2 A.M.

It never surprises me when I find myself up at 2 A.M. The hour just holds something special for me whenever I'm writing.

Anyways, this year I'm officially writing for NANOWRIMO (National Novel Writing Month). 50K words in just 30 days! Whew! I am really behind with only 5,000 but I'm hoping to crunch out another 5,000 tomorrow since it's Veteran's Day and another 15K done by the end of the week. I think I can do it.

I feel like it's something I have to prove to not only myself but to other people around me. Everyone knows that I live in this little pretend world all the time but the only way to show them that I'm not just a dreamer is to give them proof that I'm doing more than just sleeping. I'm doing.

Do You Feel Epic?

Take everything you know and apply it to what you have

A Not So Humble Defeat

How do you make people care? I think it's by sticking pins in their organs... and I'm almos quite serious.

The past week at my college there was supposed to be an event for the Gay Straight Alliance Club. Our event was supposed to introduce our club to the campus, even though it's officialy been there since the end of last year. With the participation of the student body we were supposed to host a game called Guess The Straight Person. The sum of the game is to ask questions to a panel of five people, four gays and one straight; and at the end the audience is supposed to guess who is the straight person. The questions can range anywhere from what kind of jeans does the person wear to how many jelly beans they can stuff in their mouth. The only type of questions that cannot be asked are ones pretaining to their sexuality.
In the beginning I had everyone I needed, being the club president, and I had the time to organize it all together. I thought, "whew, what a relief. I know that this year hasn't been the easiest to try and get people to come here but this will work for sure." That is what I thought originally.
I had announced our event to the entire campus and the government body which helped reel in more volunteers for the event. I had posters and cards and flyers and now I had a voice. It seemed like maybe I could actually get people to start coming to the meetings. So far they were about 1 or 3 people attending and all we did was talk. I was tired of coming up with the plans all by myself and I was ready to start heading out there to the campus, but you need a team before that happens. This event would give me and the club the people it needed to survive.
The weekend started and I recieved a flood of emails of people who wanted to volunteer. Okay, maybe not a flood but it sure felt that way after months of nothing in return from people. People were excited about something new and unheard of and who could blame them. So I assigned people positions and auditions the coming Friday.
   - Seriously it felt like a hurricane swept everyone away. People started pulling out for unknown reasons. I had ones that never came for the audition, nonetheless even send a notable email. Apologies left and right and a promise to still attend the event. I had to breathe.... and then realize that no one was going to come.
If someone cannot even take the time to fulfill a promise of helping out then what are the chances that someone is going to come. I had to keep reminding myself that I was not alone but I have felt this way from the get go.

On the main campus we have over 60 clubs, in counting! We have Bible Club, Anime, Salsa Dancing, Hip Hop, Future Teachers, etc. etc. etc. The Gay Straight Alliance started out with at least twelve member last year. I started out as the Vice President but was soon put in the position of leader when the current president admitted to not know how to run things. Personally, I feel better when I'm under someone. It makes me feel like I have something to work harder for. And I did. I really did.
  When people expect you to be leader they expect a really great adventure. But when you're just an average joe and do something extrodinary you are praised.

So I'm at a crossroad. I don't know if I should close the club or not. What does a club really matter if I'm the only voice. I have an amount of people in the club, that would probably average to about two. I asked them before if it was okay with them to close the club and they voted no. But I don't think that I have the time to make this one work out.
When is it okay to give on something?
That is the question of the day.