Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Have Heart!

I'm not going to lie, heartache feels wonderful.



When I didn't know what it felt like I used to watch as many tv shows and listen to as many songs as I could, that had to do with heartache. I crave-d it. I needed it. It's something I could Live off of for the rest of my Life.

So when I'm without it, I ask: 


Where are the tears? Where is the need for revenge? Where is conflict between hearts? Where is the scene where we throw our bodies to the wrong people? Where is the bittersweet darkness?







It's in the real world




Whenever I feel uninspired to write or to create I turn back on my memories. The people that hurt me I forgive on the outside, but I keep the anger in the skin of my heart. I need it to say that I can do better in life. I need it to inspire me. I need it to push me past the boundaries.




I try to remember the talks we had on my driveway. I rub my arms thinking about you-- the person that
liberated me from the expectations of life. I'm satisfied when I hear you do hard drugs, because I don't. I bite my knuckles when I remember the way you VbitV me on the neck the other night. I sweat and stomp my feet hoping I cause an earthquake in the country you're in.

SCRATCH YOURSELF!
LOVE YOURSELF!

I just can't get enough!

I love the betrayal when I have no expectations. I relish the rampage I bring to others sometimes. Knowing that I have some control of feelings on others. Not that I mean to.

It's what makes me not want to have friends, and to find the really insane ones at the same time.

Ears are burning.

Breath is panting.
Fin-g-e-r-s type-ing

Throw your head against the wall!

That's what I do when I think of the monster in my heart.

-Benji

1 comment:

  1. Whoa! Powerful words.
    "I sweat and stomp my feet hoping I cause an earthquake in the country you're in."

    Loved it!

    ReplyDelete